Undone

I realize most people would say this is a very strange situation, but I've been talking lately with Mike's ex (his daughter's mom).

It all started when I heard she'd invited Mike to the munchkin's (just gonna call her L from here on out) birthday party she was throwing and had told him to bring me along. This was after we'd broken up, so I didn't even hear about it from Mike, I heard about it from his sister.

I sent Ashley a message on Facebook, just thanking her for the invitation and that even though I wouldn't be there, it really meant a lot to me that she extended the invitation.

She wrote back, a really sweet message, and we've just been kinda talking back and forth a bit. I messaged her the other day to ask how L's new daycare was going because I didn't want to bother Mike about it. We just ended up talking a whole bunch...a lot about Mike, of course, and just kinda getting to know eachother.

She said something to me the other day that was probably one of most incredible compliments someone could possibly pay me. She told me that if she'd been able to choose someone to be L's step-mom, it would have been me.

I was so undone by this. I mean, she's met me all of 2 times and I apparently made quite an impression on her. It's amazing to hear someone say to me what a good mom I'll be. Mike use to say it all the time and it was one of my favorite things to hear. But to have a child's MOTHER tell me that I would be her choice as a second mom to HER daughter...I don't know, I wasn't even sure how to handle that. I feel like that's a pretty big deal.

It makes me wish even more, now, that things could have worked out with me and Mike. I obviously still miss him terribly every moment of every day...and I don't see that changing any time soon...but to know that things probably could have been really good between me and Ashley makes it even MORE of a big deal that he just gave up on us. Or changed his mind or whatever he did. I mean, I would bet there aren't a lot of families out there where the step-mom is actually kinda friends with the real mom. I was always optimistic about the whoel thing simply because I get along w/ most people. I didn't necessarily think we'd be friends, but I really thought we could at least be civil, you know? But it turns out it could have been even better than that.

Tomorrow will be six weeks since Mike broke my heart. Not a single day has gone by that I haven't cried. Yesterday I only teared up once, for a moment, and that was it. But today has been rough again. Today, I had to hold back tears while at work. Sometimes I just start thinking about things...my mind just wanders to times when I was happy, things Mike and I did together or things he use to say to me or whatever...and I just get all choked up.

We had so, so many happy times. So many incredible moments. So much love. The bad times were never that bad. I wish Mike had been able to see that.