Did I Love Him Too Much?

I'd really like someone to answer this question. I've asked it numerous times, to many different people, and still just don't have a satisfying answer. And maybe there isn't a correct answer. Maybe it really just depends on the people involved.

But here's my question.

When you're in a relationship, how much of the whole "I can't live without you" thing is ok? I mean, obviously, most of us won't actually die if our spouse or significant other leaves us. So, really, saying you can't live w/out someone isn't realistic.

But to have someone that is the reason you are happy, someone who's presence in your life makes your life finally feel worthwhile and fulfilling, to be so madly in love with someone that nothing really matters except that you are with that person...at what point does it become a problem that your life kinda revolves around that person?

I'm really struggling with this. A lot. Because I don't feel like I was wrong in how much I loved Mike and how much I wanted to spend my life doing whatever I could do to make him happy. I don't feel like the fact that I'm having such a hard time moving past this means I was "too attached" or "too dependant"...it just means that I loved him in a way that I've never loved anyone before. I mean, aren't you supposed to think the world of the person you're with? Don't you want them to feel that way about you, too? Would you really want to be with someone who just thought you were "ok"? I know I wouldn't.

The thing is, I never thought I'd have to figure this out. All I knew was that I loved him and wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. I wanted to be married to him and do his laundry and anticipate his arrival from work each day and have dinner waiting every night when he got hom. I wanted to sit with him as he read bedtime stories and did bath time with L. I wanted to wake up early and drink coffee with him each morning before work. I wanted to snuggle and hug and have arguments over stupid things so we could later make up. I wanted to take L to the park and on walks. I wanted to go camping and pay bills and figure out how to share a bathroom even though I have "too much stuff".


I just think I have a lot to give and maybe it looks like I overdo it, like I'm trying too hard...but really, I get so much joy out of it. It's not like I'm losing myself trying to make someone else happy...for the first time in my life, I felt like I'd finally found myself. I'd found my purpose in my life and even through the bumps I felt I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

I still get sick to my stomach whenever I think about the fact that nothing I was anticipating for this year is going to happen. The person that I thought was going to make this the most incredible year of my life changed his mind about me. Or he got scared. Or who knows what. I still don't really understand. I just know that I still believe it never should have ended.