Tonight I decided to sit down and be creative. I got my watercolors and paintbrushes and watercolor paper out, fully intending to create a few new pieces similar to a set I did last fall. I did one, and I didn't like it. I did another, and it was even worse. Then I felt no motivation to continue.
You see, I've been comissioned to create some of these paintings for a friend at church. The ones that I really like are 5x7, the other one is 11x17 and it's not my favorite, but I still like it. The ones I tried tonight I tried again on the 11x17 paper. So I came to the conclusion that they just look better small. This is a problem considering that the ones I'm supposed to do for this family are MUCH larger than 11x17. Guess I'll need to buy some bigger brushes.
I also got 4 windows to create more "window art". Thing is, the first window I had sat in my living room for months before I just picked it up one day and went to work, no plan in mind. So now that I have 4 more, and I'm supposed to be doing something for a couple different people, I suddenly don't want to do them anymore. I don't feel creative anymore.
So....basically I have this problem where I can only be creative when it's on my own terms, when I feel like it. You give me guidelines, rules, boundaries, deadlines......and suddenly we have a problem. Well, I have a problem anyway.
I'm not sure why this is. This was a big issue when I was in college, too. One of the main reasons I quit. It just always seems like the moment you turn something I enjoy into something I have to do, I lose interest. (I guess I should say that it really only works that way w/ my artwork....not everything in my life.....cuz that would be a serious problem if that were the case!) I loved photography (which I was majoring in), but was almost burned out on it after the first semester. What I really hated, though, was sitting in 3 hour long drawing classes where we drew apples and teacups with charcoal and pencils. I don't like to draw. It's not something I'm good at so it just makes me feel like I have no talent. Why would I want to spend 3 hours doing something that I hate and that makes me feel bad about myself? I may as well sit in a math class if that's how I want to feel. At least in high school Algebra I got to draw pictures of R2-D2. (a project my friend Shannon and I did where we drew it on graph paper and had to write equations for all the lines.....he said it was the best project he'd ever seen.....my art skills plus her math skills plus our combined love for Star Wars worked out well for us!)
So anyway......I'm stressing out a bit now, which means it will probably take me even longer to finish these things because I don't even feel like I can do them now. (Now, if you are one of the people I'm doing a project for, don't worry....it will get done. Just pray that I find some inspiration!)
Anywho......That's my little rant for the evening.
